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I got my first birthday card for this year in the mail yesterday. It was from my only aunt and uncle in Australia. She use to be my favourite aunt, and has always treated me well, but in recent years sheís treated my mum (her sister, her closest and only family in Australia) like shit, and I canít turn a blind eye. I always send her flowers and a card for her birthday and call her, but like I said, recently she is a total cow to my mum. Ignoring her, lying to her, basically disregarding their relationship.

This I find quite amusing cos I see my sister and myself heading in the same direction. I am always the one who calls her. She cites not knowing the time difference as an excuse (after 3 years!?!) or says she was Ďjustí about to call me when I called her. I talk more with my brother in law, whom I adore, be it on the phone or via msn messenger than I do to her. I suspect part of the reason is that she owes me money, quite a bit. Over a year ago I lent her $2000 for some work from home scheme she was starting. She said that things were a bit tight but that she would pay me back because the job was going to bring in the cash. I was skeptical but I lent her the money anyway, actually she charged my credit card. I received $200 a couple weeks after that, but since then nothing. In the meantime I have learnt that they have landscaped their front and back garden, have bought a bunch of furniture, had a number of big parties at their place, and asked my folks for $3000 (which of course they gave them). When we do talk sheís telling me about presents sheís buying for every Tom, Dick and Harry for either birthdays, weddings, Christmas, Easter etc etc, you get the idea. They have also been away on many week long holidayís and weekends away where they leave my niece with my folks.

I was livid after finding out that they were spending money on luxury items. I know that they have a huge mortgage, a young child and another one on the way. But do you have to live beyond your means to keep up with the Jonesí. I am living from pay to pay. I have no savings to speak of, well back home I have money invested, but if I got into serious trouble now, I wouldnít have anything liquid to fall back on. I mentioned the money to my brother in law and he had no idea that my sister had asked for it. Oh and by the way, the work at home scheme, yeah not so much, it didnít work out. So after a year I mentioned the money to my sister and she said she could give me $100 now and maybe in a few weeks. She mentioned that they were trying to sell their second car and when they got the cash from that, that she would repay me. I agreed to that as long as it didnít take more than 6 months, no problems she said. Never again has she mentioned the money or how they were going with selling the car, that was a few months ago.

This is why I think she isnít calling me, but oh well. I know where she lives and if worst comes to worst I can always tell on her to my folks. I know that they would repay me from their pocket, and I would hate for them to do that and thatís not the point, my sister should be accountable. I have never asked for money from my folks, and the one time I ever asked anybody for a loan, because I was moving here and wouldnít have any income for a month, I scrimped and saved after I started getting paid for months and paid my aunt (the favourite one mentioned above) back with interest! Somehow if I get the money back from my sister, I donít think she would think of all the interest I have had to pay on that $2000 for more than a year. I want to go home for a visit in September but without that money I wonít be able to, and she knows this, so I may just have to tell my folks, but I was going to keep my visit a surprise as itís my dadís 60th birthday in September.

And while I am ranting, why is that the guys I consider cool, you know the ones that are well read, funny, know all the cool underground bands, dress cool, those that are intelligent and artistic, basically the only guys I am attracted to and can see myself not having to Ďsettle forí because they possess everything or close to everything on my ideal boy list, are not attracted to me. Ok so itís true I havenít met many of them of late, but in the past they look in my direction and then roll their eyes. I must be trying too hard. This is why I think maybe the personals may be the way to go, because seriously I donít meet people. When out of university, how do you meet people? I have joined clubs and groups that I am interested in. photography, soccer, literacy programs, but havenít met anyone, male or female I can hang out with. That said the question is, if these guys are so great why would they be looking for me, or anyone on an online matchmaking site? They either already have a girlie or have no trouble at all meeting girls who swoon and fall at their feet who they donít roll their eyes at.


oh i'll be going to the pub tonight (of course alone) to watch the 2nd home game for the red sox against the yankees tonight, so maybe i will meet someone there - yeah right!!