my old man is far from perfect, although he thinks he�s pretty close, to perfect that is. he is stubborn, opinionated, overbearing, manipulative, selfish and abusive. he use to be my hero, up until i was 13 years old. then i couldn�t stand the sight of him. i never did quite live up to his expectations. i�m too weak for him, not strong enough, savvy enough. i care too much about what other people think. i am a follower not a leader. it use to bother me that i disappoint him, and it still does but not as much. but for all his faults he is a good person and a good father, far from the best, but he is my dad. our relationship has grown stronger since i moved away from home. it took him a while to realise that i wasn�t abandoning him or my family and that it was a natural progression. but since then we have been close. if there is something serious that i need to discuss with my family i will tell him first. he is fiercely loyal to us. he is very smart. he is a thinker. while his life hasn�t been dealt any tragedies or harsh blows, i suspect that it never quite lived up to his expectations and dreams. although he has never said this, i have caught glimpses of it through conversations. a subtle sigh or shift in his body, the slight inflexion in his voice, his advice to me. i feel sad for him that his dreams haven�t been realised. i feel bad that he hasn�t ever told me what his dreams were or are. when i asked him he told me what he thought i wanted to hear, things he has achieved. i love my dad, i really do. i don�t like him a lot of the time, but i can�t help but love the man, who for the first 13 years of my life was on par with god. who in the last 2 years has started saying that he loves me and misses me. who thinks i am better than i think i am. who is looking and sounding frailer and older every time i speak with him or see a photo of him. who understands what it is like to be away from your family and sends me regular pictures of my niece. the guy who always asks �ok ok or just ok�. the guy who goes fishing with me when i am home visiting even though it is more trouble than it is worth. and the guy who always buys me my favourite bourbon and beer when i come home to visit. i love you dad. happy birthday.