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crushing crush
2004-07-14

i am starting to worry about my feeling towards the boy i have a crush on. crushes are supposed to be fun. i think i am starting to take this too seriously. if his arm brushes mine, i wonder if it was intentional, when he talks to me and looks directly into my eyes i wonder if this is how he speaks to everyone. i wonder when it is just the two of us if he is as comfortable as i am. i wonder if he thinks about me.

i am building this up in my head and in my heart and it will only lead to disappointment. i will discover that he is not interested in me and i will be hurt. i will cry and be sad for something that i never had, but wanted so much.

i read this the other day... why worry about something that is absent from your life? if you really need it, you will somehow get it. if you don't, you will soon discover that you are better off without it. and then today allison , wrote if you attach yourself to something that looks mighty real, but you're getting clues its not (it can't have felt real, it can't have smelled real, it wasn't juicy) you better just let go and fly the hell away before you end up plunking on the carpet. i wish i could follow that advice. i wish i could appreciate and have fun with the crush and not blow it all out of proportion and turn it into a saga about unrequited love.

living in the moment is so no walk in the park.

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