this fucking sucks…. monday night, veggie boy and i spent a stupidly shocking night at the mall, our first ‘date’ away from the pub. he mentioned that he needed to buy some stuff, i told him i needed new jeans. he had monday off so i told him i’d give him a call when i got off work and we’d go to the mall. he didn’t even look at anything he needed, i tried on a couple pairs of jeans and got totally frustrated. he told me his disdain for malls… so why the fuck did we spend the first time we got to spend away from his work at a stupid mall. when i dropped him off, he told me he would call. he didn’t. on wednesday he had a mandatory food and healthy certificate course thingy to take. he was worried because he hadn’t read any of the notes. i called him wednesday night to see how it went. it was a breeze. he told me that he was going to play cards tonight and that he would call me and see if i would come down, to see him. i will happily sit at the bar drinking beer waiting for the card game to finish up so i can spend a couple hours with him. so it’s 9pm and he hasn’t called. i know the card game has started, and i figured he would have called me either to say that he wasn’t going to play, or that he was playing and i should come down later.

i don’t know why i am so pissed. it’s no secret that i don’t find him physically attractive, but i know, or at least i am pretty sure, that he is into me, and i like how he makes me feel, special, attractive, wanted. so again why am i pissed that he hasn’t called. i said to a friend today that ego knows no gender. am i feeling pissed that he may not be as interested in me as i thought he was? did i think i was better than him? am i just overreacting, and he is either asleep, or just into the game. but sure as hell i know i am not going to call. because i am being a girl and he said he would call the other night and he didn’t i did. he said he would call me tonight and he hasn’t yet. and i am not going to call him. petty, i know and i will tell him about my over reaction if he ever calls, but shit man i am regressing to the teenage girl i never was.

i know i am being a big girl blouse. i’ve had a couple glasses of wine, which ordinarily, given my alcoholic status, shouldn’t make a bit of difference, but my frustration is bubbling over.

oh and too boot, i killed my fish.

and now i am going to listen to cake, because cake rocks!

an update...

in my wine induced state i did call veggie boy and left him a very girlie, though distinctly me, message. i felt stupid afterwards. he eventually came over and made me tell him what i was thinking feeling. he is asleep on my bed now, and all is good for now, until i have another episode.