I feel so sad this afternoon.. partly because i suck at science and partly cos i am lonely….. i know i should just pack it all in and go home, but as much as i want to i don’t think i can, mostly because of the whole ‘not finishing what i started thing’…. i hate it when i cry, makes me feel weaker than i already feel… i know i shouldn’t complain – again…

You know earlier this afternoon i after i got results back for this one experiment that i thought would work… ,kinda like the last ditched effort thing and of course it didn’t work, and i had to go to my bosses office and tell him, when i returned to my desk all i wanted was to drink… i figured that would make me feel better… and i think that is very bad, because for the last couple of weeks i have been drinking more and more. I like the way i feel when i am drunk. I don’t feel sad and i feel somewhat attractive and funny and pretty. I know i am substituting one thing for another. I am still horny as all hell for most of the day.. it’s what i would imagine guys with permanent hard ons feel like… and it doesn’t help that i work closely to the guy i had sex with the other night. Not that i want to be his girlfriend, but a friend with benefits would be kinda cool….

Oh i really don’t know what i am blabbing on about, at least i am not on the verge of tears anymore … tonight i am going to the pub to a) have some beer, b) watch the red sox hopefully beat the Yankees and c) to see if that guy i picked up the other night returns…