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loss
2004-08-26

i found out yesterday that my sister had a miscarriage. she was about 8 weeks pregnant. both she and my brother in law are very very disappointed. they had known about the pregnancy for about 2 weeks and my sister says that she had gotten use to the idea of being pregnant again and had started to buy and plan things. she has cried a lot. when she first told me she was pregnant again i had the same reaction as when she told me she was pregnant with my niece. i was happy for them, but not over the moon happy. selfish thoughts overcame me. i�m going to miss my nieces first few years, everyone will watch the baby grow up and develop except me, the kid won�t even know me. so all these selfish thoughts returned to me when my sister told me she was pregnant again. i also thought she is going to have her hands full with a newborn and a 16 month old. now i feel incredibly guilty for having those thoughts. i will stay on the other side of the world if it means that my sister and her husband didn�t have to go through that sort of loss and pain ever again. i know my thoughts in no way contributed to the miscarriage, but perhaps this is a message for me to put aside my petty thoughts and think of the bigger picture.

sue and billy, i am really sorry.

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