so my entry today was going to be a letter to my poor plants in my attempted herb garden who need way more light than my apartment gets. but instead i will write about my imminent dressing down. today i had to submit an abstract for a meeting in december. this is the same meeting i went to last december only this year it’s in dc and not san fransisco. so before i submitted it i showed it to my boss. he comes up to me and says ‘sometime early next week we really have to get together to go over your data because you have only added to bits of information to this project in a year’. my response was ‘yeah ok, monday at 9am good for you?’. the thing is i know i have really slacked off, and the reason? i didn’t care about science anymore. i don’t know why i am continuing. actually that’s not true, i do know why i am still doing a job i don’t have any passion for anymore. it’s because i am scared to give it up and go back home with my tail between my legs. plain and simple. while i will be embarrassed at the time that i am getting told off, i will have the same attitude that i have now. i don’t really care. it’s quite sad actually because not only am i letting myself down, but i am also letting my boss and our group down. if i was in a big lab with lots of people then it wouldn’t matter so much, but it’s just the 4 of us, so i can’t really hide behind a large group of people.

so on monday morning i will be in my bosses office, with all my notes and my 2 bits of extra data getting a severe talking to for being so slack. i deserve it i know, but it won’t change my attitude.

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