last night and yesterday i dog sat. i got to pretend that i was living in a house in the suburbs, that the cute puppy (she�s not really a puppy, but all dogs are puppys to me, like all men are boys) was mine and that i was living the life that i wanted. when i arrived at the house, lily the pit bull was excited to see me. her tail was wagging, she was yelping and running around in circles. ok so it may have been that she was cooped up in the house for most of the day until i arrived and needed to go for a pee, but i am thinking it her exuberant reaction was to seeing me.

so we went out for a walk. it was a lovely afternoon and i got to see what people in the suburbs do on lovely saturday afternoons. i discovered that they aren�t doing much. there were a few people fishing the river, a couple of teenagers by the middle school hanging out together, each with their own portable cd player (in case they got bored with each others company??), only one person working on their garden, a mother and her toddler son playing with the sprinkler, and some walkers/runners.

as an aside, i really miss having a dog. so many people came up to me to pat lily the pit bull, the guy mowing his lawn offered her some water, james the toddler really wanted to pat her and really wanted a dog like her. is it accurate to call a 3 yo a toddler? anyway, people just passing by would stop, say hi, pat lily the pit bull, we would have a quick chat and then we�d be off. the teenagers even took their headphones off to say hi. lily the pit bull made me feel connected. i don�t know if connected is the right word, but i felt part of something.

so i have been romantiscing the whole, house, family, dog scenario, and just as dooce said in her latest entry, it�s never as glamorous as you picture it in your mind. there would be all the house maintenance, the taking the puppy out for their pee and poop in -40 degree temperatures and bucketing rain, the endless bills and even things i can�t even begin to imagine, but for all that it�s what i want and the rewards i am sure would be far greater than the inconviences. that said, i wanted to come here to the us and do this postdoc and it is sucking big time, so who�s to say that if i got the family, the house and the dog that i would be happy?

i know i am searching for something to make me happy, and i know that while i am searching it will never happen, that it has to come from within, but how does that happen? in the mean time, i can only hope that lily the pitbull�s family, goes away more often and asks me to look after her.