this fucking sucks�. monday night, veggie boy and i spent a stupidly shocking night at the mall, our first �date� away from the pub. he mentioned that he needed to buy some stuff, i told him i needed new jeans. he had monday off so i told him i�d give him a call when i got off work and we�d go to the mall. he didn�t even look at anything he needed, i tried on a couple pairs of jeans and got totally frustrated. he told me his disdain for malls� so why the fuck did we spend the first time we got to spend away from his work at a stupid mall. when i dropped him off, he told me he would call. he didn�t. on wednesday he had a mandatory food and healthy certificate course thingy to take. he was worried because he hadn�t read any of the notes. i called him wednesday night to see how it went. it was a breeze. he told me that he was going to play cards tonight and that he would call me and see if i would come down, to see him. i will happily sit at the bar drinking beer waiting for the card game to finish up so i can spend a couple hours with him. so it�s 9pm and he hasn�t called. i know the card game has started, and i figured he would have called me either to say that he wasn�t going to play, or that he was playing and i should come down later.

i don�t know why i am so pissed. it�s no secret that i don�t find him physically attractive, but i know, or at least i am pretty sure, that he is into me, and i like how he makes me feel, special, attractive, wanted. so again why am i pissed that he hasn�t called. i said to a friend today that ego knows no gender. am i feeling pissed that he may not be as interested in me as i thought he was? did i think i was better than him? am i just overreacting, and he is either asleep, or just into the game. but sure as hell i know i am not going to call. because i am being a girl and he said he would call the other night and he didn�t i did. he said he would call me tonight and he hasn�t yet. and i am not going to call him. petty, i know and i will tell him about my over reaction if he ever calls, but shit man i am regressing to the teenage girl i never was.

i know i am being a big girl blouse. i�ve had a couple glasses of wine, which ordinarily, given my alcoholic status, shouldn�t make a bit of difference, but my frustration is bubbling over.

oh and too boot, i killed my fish.

and now i am going to listen to cake, because cake rocks!

an update...

in my wine induced state i did call veggie boy and left him a very girlie, though distinctly me, message. i felt stupid afterwards. he eventually came over and made me tell him what i was thinking feeling. he is asleep on my bed now, and all is good for now, until i have another episode.