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spring flowers
2004-04-18

spent $30 on flowers yesterday for my apartment. a lot of money i know but it is worth it. pink and white tulips, blue irises and yellow and red ranunculi. they are absolutely gorgeous. the weather has finally warmed up, the tress have buds on them, i hear birds chirping first thing in the morning, spring i think has finally arrived - yay!

have my first soccer game of the season this morning. i am going to die, but it should be fun. we had a practice run yesterday were i met most of the team. they seem like a good bunch of people. i was knackered though after 5 minutes of running. maybe this will be the motivation i need to get to the gym regularly.

i tried painting a hyacinth i have yesterday. i stopped once i got the flowers, got a bit frustrated because it was the fiddly part and i couldnít get it right, perhaps i will finish it up today. watercolour paintings look so effortless. of course i know they are not, but itís something to do with the washed look. my effort was anything but that. our building at work exhibits work by a selected local (i think) arist. this time the artist has watercolours showing. the colours are almost neon. extremely bright oranges, reds, yellows, blues, most of them arenít too my liking, but since i have been dabbling they fascinate me. iíve been looking at them very closely, trying to figure out how she or he painted them, the brush strokes, the washes, something i guess only practice will get me anywhere close to.

i read this one sentence in the fluff book i am reading at the moment for matrimonial purposes Ė kavita daswani ďthe boy destined for me is already born. he is somewhere in this world. i just have to find him.Ē i often oscillate between the thought that there is only one person for each of us and the idea that the world is full of so many different people that probability suggests that there has to be more than one Ďthe oneí. iíve moved around a fair b it now, lived in a couple of different countries, more than a few different towns, met people for a lot of different cultures and backgrounds and still i have yet to find him. i am not Ďlookingí as they say, but i find myself intently listening during conversations to find out if they have a girlfriend, or i find myself looking at their ring finger for a wedding band. i NEVER thought i would do that, and yet i canít help it, i realise what i have done after the fact, and i berate myself. people always say, you wonít find him if you are looking for him, but i think in my case i am subconsciously looking for him and it is beyond my rational waking self, i cannot stop it. i have become one of those husband seeking girls, whose aim it is to get married. ok so i am not that bad. i donít go out on the prowl, i donít ask people i know to set me up, but i am so some extent like those girls because i do lose interest in a boy if i see a wedding band or he mentions a girlfriend, even if i only met him 1 minute ago. uggg pathetic. ah well, i donít want to fall in ove here anyway, i want to go home to Australia, and even if i remain single there i will have my family around me and i will help my niece grow up and her future brother or sister, and it will all be easier to deal with because i will have my family around me. it wonít matter so much that the community will be whispering behind my and my families back that i am still single, and thatís what you get when a girl goes to school for so long, and moves overseas alone, away from her family. i will be able to handle that because i will have people around me that love me despite the fact that i am single with no prospects in the future, and i will love them more (if possible ) because of that.

enough now.

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